Why Don't You Write Me?

So many times over the past year I have found myself humming the Simon and Garfunkel tune Why Don't You Write Me.  On any number of those occasions, I was drawn to my keyboard. Yet, for pretty much the last ten months I have refrained. It wasn't always easy. The easy times were those (many) moments when I really had too many other things to take care of which had real hard and fast deadlines. But the pause has not been merely because I was too busy to write. In truth, I have been writing, mostly journaling as part of my Mussar practice.

There was also a very conscious reason for my holding my silence. Just about a year ago I stepped away from my many years as a congregational rabbi as I set out to explore my next chapter. Part of my agreement with my congregation was that I would take a hiatus from congregational life and lay low. Yes, there were some life cycle occasions at which my participation was requested. So too, with some pastoral situations. However, I felt it was also important, as a part of my hiatus period, to be absent in other ways. This included absenting myself from certain Social Media groups in which I was a member. Along the way, I ended up taking an extended break from Social Media for other reasons as well. (Perhaps I'll write about that down the line.)  I also decided to pause sharing my blog writing, as I know that many members of my community follow my writing journey. No one asked me to, but I consciously decided to turn that voice off for the year, as part of my hiatus.

It wasn't always easy. Part of the reason I set up this separate-from-the-congregation blog site two years ago was to be able to express myself more freely without the imprimature of my posts appearing on an official site associated with the congregation. Indeed, at points this year, I have found myself channeling my desire to write and speak out by re-reading some of what I've written in the past several years. (I still hold some of those same beliefs today.)

We are not living through an easy time in our nation, in our world and in Jewish life. Many have been the times when I wanted to add my voice, my perspective, my reading of the events we are experieencing thrpough the prism of Torah, and especially the values of Mussar.  But I felt that this was a time for me to refrain, and I have.

A year has passed. My journey through this first year of my rabbinate, not grounded in a congregation, took me to many interesting places. It was most certainly a year of learning, in many forms. I worked for a national organization for the better part of the year, and I had the privilege of being part of an incredible team committed to a project I deeply believe in. I visited and worked, in and with communities in other cities on the East Coast. I learned about my strengths, and I also learned about skills I do not possess, and passions I do not hold. I also learned again and again of my deep thirst for learning and my desire to share what I am learning as a teacher.

This as-yet young summer finds my year of hiatus completed. I am now mostly on a different type of hiatus - freed from regularly scheduled meetings, appointments, and commitments, save for one teaching opportunity out in Western Massachusetts, where I am blessed to spend the summer ahead. I have returned to a study project I began last summer and which I had to set aside at the end of last summer as I took on new commitments.  I've now returned to that project, having truly missed it and the opportunities it affords me to learn and grow. And as I returned I found I am further along on that journey even though I did not touch it for ten months.

I have decided that nearly a year of silence in this vehicle, my blog, is enough. While so many aspects of my as-yet-unfolding new chapter remain undefined, I need to write. There are just some topics on which I need to express myself. Perhaps no one will be interested in what I have to say. But I have learned through my reading and study the importance of writing as a practice and discipline. I also believe that silence in the face of some of what is taking place around us is unacceptable and irresponsible.

So, in the weeks and months, and I pray, years to come, I will be sharing again. Sometimes it will be to address events in our nation and our Jewish world. Sometimes it will be more a reflection of my study and the spiritual journey I am on. I have been privileged to share pieces of that over this past year with new circles of students in communities around our Boston area. This was a critical part of this past year's journey as I was welcomed with warmth and embrace in new communities. I have already been invited to join circles and journeys in several other communities around Boston in the year ahead and I look forward to being part of more circles of Mussar study and practice.

One of the most powerful lessons of this "year away" has been about the importance of community. I have written, spoken and taught on that theme for a long time. Only in the absence of a steady community did I have the personal opportunity to step back and realize just how deeply I believe that on a personal level.

If you're interested I welcome you on this new phase of my writing journey. As always, I welcome feedback and conversation. My posts reflect my perspectives, most often filtered through my study of our rich tradition.

It's hard to believe that our new Jewish year is but two months off. In some ways, this return is an early beginning to my Elul work of preparing - not just for a New Year, but for the next iteration of my new chapter.

May summer bring refreshment, renewal, perspective and, most especially, peace.